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Thursday 25 December 2014

Be Courageous - Ask Our Counsellor Q&A column





(The following column answered by me appeared in the Deccan Herald Education Supplement of December 25, 2014)


Dear Madam,
I am a student of Class 12. I don’t have a confident personality because of which I can’t answer questions or even talk to my teachers in the classroom. I even hesitate to ask my doubts. I get nervous when my teachers ask me questions. Is there a way to overcome this fear?
ZA


Dear ZA,
I would like you to spend a couple of minutes trying to identify what your worst fear is – answering questions or clearing your doubts. If your teacher asks you something what is the worst thing that you think could happen? Often our fears are undefined and all encompassing. We are not able to identify them, and that allows them to become larger than life. Try to answer these questions and in the process, you will most probably realise that your fear is irrational and misplaced.
For example, the worst thing that could happen when you ask questions in class, is your friends or teachers may laugh at you. Or they may think that you are not particularly smart. You will realise that there are far worse outcomes possible in life, and this is relatively inconsequential. You don’t need to be ruled by the fact that someone may laugh at something you said, or that someone may think you are not very smart. That is their perception and does not become the truth. The problem is we start believing that what others think and feel about us is the truth and we start believing that.
You need to believe in yourself and your capability. It is not a crime to not know something, or to ask for a clarification. After all, if you knew everything then why did you need to go to school? So to believe that you should know everything and that if you don’t, somehow, you are not good enough is a fallacy. Have the courage to ask questions and make mistakes. Life is not about pretending to be perfect. It is about accepting who you are, believing in yourself, striving to grow and having the courage to ask for help.

Dear Madam,
I have failed in one of the subjects in II PUC. Unfortunately, I have never failed in any of my subjects till now. I am considering giving a re-exam. What do I do? My family is depressed for me and I feel my dreams are
shattered.
YS

Dear YS,
I would like you to remember that
failure is one of many events that will happen in your life. To allow one event define the rest of your life is not very helpful. When one door closes, another door will open, provided you allow yourself to let it.
By all means take a re-exam. It can be a fantastic learning opportunity. Try and look at the recent failures in your exam, and learn from it. Understand what you didn’t do, or could have done better. It is essential that you don’t
repeat the same mistakes. It is important to analyse the past situation and understand what went wrong and how you could have done better. And if you are able to do that, then this current failure would not have been a waste. It could turn out to be a learning moment for some important life lessons.
Don’t let one failure define you. And keep your larger goal and picture in mind. This exam is not the end-goal of your life. Life is a journey, and this is just one of the milestones along the way. This milestone may be a little crooked and off the mark, but that does not give it the power to define the whole journey as being crooked or off the mark. All the best.

Dear Madam,
I am currently studying in 11th standard. I have taken up PCMB and I am confused about my future career choices. I do not have a clear idea as to which course to pursue after this. I love mathematics and I also aspire to be a socialite as I love social work, or a even a CEO. As this is an odd combination, I don’t know which way to proceed. Can I do BSc or are there any courses which relate to my
interests?
Nimisha

Dear Nimisha,
At a stage when you do not have clarity on what you would like to do in the long-term, it is good that your choice of subjects allows you to keep all your options open. Since you are unclear about which way to go, it may be helpful for you to define what success means to you. Success may be defined differently by different people. For some, it may mean attaining a designation (as in becoming a CEO) or it may mean enjoying the kind of work you do, or it may be defined by the amount of money you make and the lifestyle you live, or it may even be defined by the kind of impact you have either on society, or on your field of study, or even on any one person.
Try and define what kind of choices appeal to you. And a path you choose can have a combination of all the elements you have mentioned – social work, leadership management, maths and so on.
Understand your preferences and your values, and work backwards from there. Also remember, there may be many paths that may lead you to your end goal. Just one word of caution – a socialite is not someone who does social work, but rather one who enjoys living the high ‘social’ life. All the best.

Dear Madam,
I am an average student who scored 88 percent in 10th and 89 percent (PCB) and 79 percent (PCM) in 12th. I opted for engineering owing to my father’s pressure. Although my college is good, I am finding it hard to adjust to my studies. Moreover, I am in a digital branch, which is giving me troubles. I am tired of this autonomous system of failures – makeup exams, supplementary exams, backlogs and credits. I come from a middle-class family and this is my management seat. I don’t want to waste the money spent so far and have decided to join master’s in mass communication or journalism as I aspire to be a journalist. Is this the right decision?
A student


Dear student,
Often out of confusion emerges clarity. If there was no confusion, you would just continue on your path without thinking about it. The fact that you are confused is making you think about your options, choices, preferences and values. I understand that you are feeling bogged down with what is appearing to you to be a continuous spiral exams, and more exams, and this is causing you some frustration.
Please remember, that there are many paths to reach the same end goal. You want to be able to support your family and also do something that you enjoy and gives you satisfaction. There are many paths to achieving both these objectives, and both these objectives are not mutually exclusive. You don’t have to achieve one at the cost of the other – you can do both. It is important to recognise and acknowledge if something is not working for you. It is okay to make a course correction mid-way if you realise you are on the wrong path, rather than stick to the wrong path all the time and continue to regret it. All the best.

Friday 5 December 2014

Make your own choices - Ask our Counsellor Q&A Column

[The following column answered by me appreared in the Deccan Herald Education supplement of December 4, 2014]
Dear Madam,
I am an 18-year-old guy who passed SSLC with 92 per cent but scored only 60 per cent in IInd PUC. I am embarrassed by this. My father had to take a loan to get me a mechanical engineering seat. Consequently, there is a lot of pressure on me to perform well. Could you suggest me an effective timetable with which I can perform well? Also, I spend a lot of time chatting with my friends which distracts me. This is affecting my overall study schedule. Kindly help me out.
P Sai

Dear P Sai,
I understand that you recognise that your performance in IInd PUC was not up to your potential and that you are feeling embarrassed and pressured because your father had to take a loan to get you an engineering seat. You recognise that some of your slip-up in performance could be due to the fact that you are now distracted and spend a lot of time talking to friends, instead of focusing on your work. It is good that you have been able to identify one of the causes of your poor performance, because if you know the reason it is easy to address, if you want to.

It is not for me to make a study time table for you, It is for you to make your own timetable and commit to it. I can make a timetable which can be completely meaningless because it does not have your buy-in. Your problem is probably not a lack of capability, but rather the absence of focus and a key motivating factor. Find your motivation and you will automatically be spurred to work towards achieving it. All the best.

Dear Madam,
I am 16 years old and in my first year of commerce degree. I am an average student and have scored 75 percent in SSLC. I am lazy and have no interest in studying. I get through the examinations by sticking to a strict timetable. But I find myself lost in the nonsensical thoughts most of the time. I spend the time for studying daydreaming. I wish to study well and put my educational qualifications to good use. Kindly suggest some helpful measures.
KV


Dear KV,
There is a time and a place for everything, including the nonsensical thoughts. It is quite natural for you to be distracted. Yet, it is good that you understand what the right path is for you and what will get you long-term results. If you know what works for you, then your problem is made simpler because you have a solution that works. If sticking to a timetable has worked for you in the past, then you should just replicate that model, while allowing time for distractions and maybe building it into your timetable. It is not necessary that you have to study all the time. It is important to focus and put in your best while you are studying and also keeping time for other things. Do remember all work and no play makes you dull. So, try to keep a healthy mix of both work and pleasure. I wish you all the best.

Dear Madam,
I am a 15-year-old girl. I finished my class 9 in an ICSE school with 74 percent results. I aspire to score more than 85 percent in my upcoming 10th board exams. But I am very nervous as I want to perform well. Suggest some helpful measures.
SS
Dear SS,
When you feel nervous or anxious about an exam, take some time to understand what your worst fear is. Write down that fear, understand it and then set it aside. Let it not clutter up your active memory. I have written extensively in this column on exam anxiety, but I have also written an article which helps explain the demystify exam anxiety which can be found on my blog which is  www.personalorbitchange.blogspot.in/2013/11/demystifying-exam-anxiety.html. I urge you to take a few minutes to read it. Once you understand it, you can overcome it. Also remember, that the class 10 exams should not be your end goal. They are just a stepping stone on your journey in life. All the best.

Dear Madam,
I'm studying in II PUC (science). My problem is I can't study for long hours at a stretch. I lose my concentration pretty soon. Can you tell me how to study for a long period of time and also how to revise for the exams?
Adarsh Kamble


Dear Adarsh,
I do not have any magic formula that can work for everyone. Each student needs to discover their own study technique that works best for them. If you are not able to concentrate for a long period of time at a stretch, then you must make your schedule such that you plan for short periods of focused time, with adequate breaks. It is not important to study all the time, and it is not a crime to take a break. Some people prefer to study in one long stretch and work for a couple of hours at a time.

Others work best in small chunks with breaks. Do what works best for you. As for revision, again, there are many techniques and you must discover what works for you. If you discover it on your own, you will commit to it. It is not something I can tell you how to do. All the best.

Dear Madam,
I failed my SSC exams owing to my difficulties in math and physics subjects. I studied hard for my re-exams and managed to clear all my papers. I am now scared to take up science again. But my family wants me to take up science while I am interested in arts. Kindly help me out here. Do I listen to my parents or my tutor who thinks I have potential in science?
Khadarabi M


Dear Khadarabi,
It is not for me to tell you which subjects you take. Your choice of subjects should be based on what is your end goal and what is the path you see yourself pursuing in your future. Whatever subjects you choose, you should choose them because you like them and want to do them, not because someone is suggesting them to you. But do remember that choices bring along great responsibilities. You then cannot blame anyone else if your performance is not up to the mark. So, take ownership of your future, and commit to it. And then follow your heart. All the best.