[The following column written by me appeared in the Deccan Herald Education Supplement on February 28, 2013]
Hello Ma’am,
I am a student of RVCE, Bangalore in the Electrical and Electronics branch, presently in the 2nd year. I am totally confused about what to do after engineering. Basically I want to become a successful entrepreneur (industrialist), earn a lot of money and have a happy life, not as a middle class working employee. But the problem is I don’t have rich parents who can afford to give me the initial capital, or send me for higher studies. I am interested in fields like research and development. I am a gadget and gizmo freak. So I am not able to know what exactly I need to do because of which my performance in engineering college has gone down. I am even depressed a lot. I was a bright student and confident too. I used to read lots of technology magazines and newspapers and was interested in gadgets and technology. But now, I am totally confused and under-performing too. But I believe I am a very quick learner and very good at understanding concepts unlike other guys. My main goal is changing the present electrical systems, transmission, and generation. I want to make something for the betterment of humans. However, I know I am a little over ambitious too. Kindly help me.
Student
Dear Student,
I can sense your confusion and worry about the future. You say you want to be successful, earn a lot of money and happiness. I want you to take a few minutes to identify what success means to you. How and when will you know that you have been successful. Success can mean different things to different people, and unless you define it, you could constantly be chasing an elusive mirage. So how will you know that you have been successful?
You also seem to assume, in your letter, that happiness is a function of how much money you have. You may have all the money in the world and still not be happy. Or you may hardly have any money, and still be happy. Happiness is not a function of money. Happiness is a state of mind. And you alone can make yourself happy or unhappy. It depends to a large extent on how you interpret situations, and how satisfied you feel with yourself. And the sooner you are able to see happiness as a product of your internal locus of control, rather than something that is dependent on the external world, the happier you will be able to make yourself. So again, define what happiness means to you. It is good that you are confident of your capabilities and know some of your strengths. There is no such thing as over-ambitious. You are either ambitious or not. It is always good to aim high so that you have something to work towards. But don’t let achieving that be your source of happiness, or a definition of your success. Your happiness and success should be defined in terms of your journey, and milestones on your journey, rather than only on the ultimate goal.
While I am not in a position to tell you what specifically you should do after your engineering, It is important that you answer these questions for yourself and find the motivation within. It is not necessary to have ‘family wealth’ to succeed. You can succeed on the power of your ideas as well. These days there is a lot of boost to entrepreneurship in the country, so if your idea has weight, you will be able to find the funding.
All the best.
Dear Madam,
I am a student of class 10. My problem is that I get very tense during the days of my exams. While preparing for the exams, I start shivering, sweating and feel like vomiting. Though I go through all my lessons, I feel I am not prepared. I go through all my chapters again and again though I have already studied them once or twice. I get so tense that I start crying and at some point of time, I stop studying and go to sleep. Even at that time, I think about whether I'll be able to complete the portions for my exams. Then I study all through the night and keep on studying until I enter the examination hall. I don't eat anything and spoil my health during these days. I also trouble my parents in this process. And finally after the results are out, I am one of the top 5 rank holders. Why does this happen to me? I find all my friends so confident. Why am I not as confident as them? Why do I get tense so easily? My Preparatory Exams are fast approaching and I don't want all this to happen to me again. Please help.
Yashaswini Yogesh
Dear Yashaswini,
I understand that you have a panic attack at the time of your exams, and now that your Board Exams are approaching you are concerned about this. I am glad you have sought help and recognize that you should not be getting so panicky. When you compare yourself to your friends you feel you are the only one reacting like this.
Firstly, let me assure you that you are not alone in panicking before exams. It happens to many youngsters, even though outwardly you may not be able to tell in some cases. However, you are right in thinking that you should not react this way and that there must be a better way around this problem.
I would like you to take a few minutes thinking about what you are scared of. The panic is the result of fear of the outcome. So what drives the fear and what is the worst possible outcome? Ponder over this. Once you name the fear, you may realize that the worst possible outcome is something you can live with. It suddenly does not seem to be as scary as you had thought it is. Don’t let the fear paralyze you. Think about the fear and confront it. Some of the possible fears could be that you will feel like a failure, or that your parents will be disappointed, or that your friends may laugh at you. These are common fears that students have. So name your fear and confront it. Believe me, that will take the punch out of it.
You ask me why this happens to you. This probably happens to you because you don’t believe in yourself. You need to believe in your own capabilities. And believe, that if you do not do well for some reason, then that is not the end of the world or the end of the road. You are still a worthy and capable person. Just because you may not do well once, does not make you are a failure for life. Remember, failure is an event. It is never a person. If you fail at an exam it does not mean that you have failed as a person. Very often we interpret as a total failure and therein lies the problem. To understand this, you could read the following articles on my blog - ‘Putting exams in perspective’ ( http://personalorbitchange.blogspot.in/2010/09/putting-exams-in-perspective.html ) and ‘It’s not the end of the road’ ( http://personalorbitchange.blogspot.in/2010/09/its-not-end-of-road.html ).
Remember to focus on the effort and not on the marks. Effort is all that we can control. Our fear often arises because we focus on the marks and the marks are not in our control, so we have a feeling of helplessness and hopelessness due to the fact that we can’t control the outcome.
Hope this helps and good luck for your exams.
Thursday 28 February 2013
Thursday 7 February 2013
Follow your passion - Ask Our Counsellor Q&A column
[The following column written by me appeared in the Deccan Herald Education Supplement on February 7, 2013]
I am a second year B E student in EEE branch VTU. I have 1 backlog in each of my semesters. I am not able to give my best. I was doing well in my school and PUC. Will I get a good job even if I have backlogs? I am totally stressed. My parents have a lot of hopes for me. Please help.
Kamalesh
Dear Kamalesh
I understand that you are stressed because your parents have a lot of hopes from you. It may be worthwhile for you to make a concrete list of those hopes. For example they may want some amount of financial support (specify how much), or they may want you to live in the same town/house as them.
Or they may want to live with you. Or they may want none of this, but may just want to be able to tell their friends and family that their son is very “successful”.
Or they may just want you to be happy. You need to be able to understand for yourself, what you think are their expectations of you. When you say “lots of hope” you are dealing with an ambiguous entity which may be like a mirage, which you will constantly keep chasing and never be able to reach.
Once you are able to understand their expectations, two things may happen. Firstly you may realize that getting a “good” job as an engineer may not be the only way to live up to their expectations. Other careers and opportunities may also give you that option. Secondly, you may decide that you may want to live up to some of those expectations and not others. You will feel a sense of control on this process.
I cannot say whether you will get a “good” job if you have backlogs. All I can say is that your marks will only open some doors for you.
They will not guarantee your success. Your success in your career will depend on a lot of other qualities like your ability to work in a team, lead a team, solve problems, think creatively, communicate clearly and confidently, learn quickly, etc. The marks may open some doors, but if one door closes another one will open. The only difference is you may have to look for it a little harder.
Try and understand your worry and your anxiety and befriend them to goad you to do better, rather than treat them as your enemy that stops your from performing.
Good luck.
Dear Madam,
I am studying now in 12th Standard. I am losing my interest in studies. I am so much interested in music that I like to compose songs and I would like to make music direction as a profession. I have practised classical music for 11 years and I know the basics of western music as well. But my parents like me to take Engineering. I am not sure that I will pass the engineering entrance exams. I have failed once in 11th Standard Even if I choose the music field I don’t know what to do. So please give me some tips.
A Student
Dear Student
I understand that your parents want you to do Engineering and that’s why you are being torn between your passion, and what your parents want you to do. I am sure your parents will be comfortable with whatever choice you make, provided you have made an informed decision and know what to do and how to do it.
For that you would need to get more information about the music field and the opportunities in it, the entry barriers, and what you need to do to break them. I am not the right person to tell you about this. You will need to connect with people in the field of music and get their inputs.
Your parents will not be comfortable with your choice if they feel you do not know what you are talking about and are beating around in the dark. Ultimately, whichever field you choose, you will need to put in an enormous amount of effort to excel in it.
And, it is better to excel in your field of choice rather than to be mediocre in any other field.
You may want to try and understand the reasons why your parents want you to do engineering. Once you understand this, you may decide to either follow that path, or follow the path you want.
However, whichever field you choose, you will need to put in a lot of effort to stand out. So don’t let the effort tire you out.
Good luck.
Dear Madam
I am a 2nd PUC PCMB student. My problem is that I lost interest in studies when I was in my 10th Standard and got 3% less than the usual distinction I used to get. Since the past two years, I have totally lost my form and fear that the same would repeat in my finals this year. And I'm very weak in maths. Kindly suggest some methods by which I can start studying.
Dear Student
I have said this in my column several times before, because yours does not seem to be a problem unique to you. It seems to be happening to many students who let the fear of the results, or their “relatively poor” performance in past exams, demotivate them about the future. So understand why you think you should study, and analyse the benefits of studying.
Who do you think will be the biggest beneficiary of your studying? You can choose to let fear control you to inaction, or you can choose to let fear drive you to action. It is entirely in your control, and your choice.
So find your motivation. What is it you want to do in life? Think about whether you will be able to achieve that without studying. What options will be open to you if you do not study? Answer these questions truthfully, not for anyone else, but for yourself and see where they lead you.
All the best
Follow your passion
Dear Madam,I am a second year B E student in EEE branch VTU. I have 1 backlog in each of my semesters. I am not able to give my best. I was doing well in my school and PUC. Will I get a good job even if I have backlogs? I am totally stressed. My parents have a lot of hopes for me. Please help.
Kamalesh
Dear Kamalesh
I understand that you are stressed because your parents have a lot of hopes from you. It may be worthwhile for you to make a concrete list of those hopes. For example they may want some amount of financial support (specify how much), or they may want you to live in the same town/house as them.
Or they may want to live with you. Or they may want none of this, but may just want to be able to tell their friends and family that their son is very “successful”.
Or they may just want you to be happy. You need to be able to understand for yourself, what you think are their expectations of you. When you say “lots of hope” you are dealing with an ambiguous entity which may be like a mirage, which you will constantly keep chasing and never be able to reach.
Once you are able to understand their expectations, two things may happen. Firstly you may realize that getting a “good” job as an engineer may not be the only way to live up to their expectations. Other careers and opportunities may also give you that option. Secondly, you may decide that you may want to live up to some of those expectations and not others. You will feel a sense of control on this process.
I cannot say whether you will get a “good” job if you have backlogs. All I can say is that your marks will only open some doors for you.
They will not guarantee your success. Your success in your career will depend on a lot of other qualities like your ability to work in a team, lead a team, solve problems, think creatively, communicate clearly and confidently, learn quickly, etc. The marks may open some doors, but if one door closes another one will open. The only difference is you may have to look for it a little harder.
Try and understand your worry and your anxiety and befriend them to goad you to do better, rather than treat them as your enemy that stops your from performing.
Good luck.
Dear Madam,
I am studying now in 12th Standard. I am losing my interest in studies. I am so much interested in music that I like to compose songs and I would like to make music direction as a profession. I have practised classical music for 11 years and I know the basics of western music as well. But my parents like me to take Engineering. I am not sure that I will pass the engineering entrance exams. I have failed once in 11th Standard Even if I choose the music field I don’t know what to do. So please give me some tips.
A Student
Dear Student
I understand that your parents want you to do Engineering and that’s why you are being torn between your passion, and what your parents want you to do. I am sure your parents will be comfortable with whatever choice you make, provided you have made an informed decision and know what to do and how to do it.
For that you would need to get more information about the music field and the opportunities in it, the entry barriers, and what you need to do to break them. I am not the right person to tell you about this. You will need to connect with people in the field of music and get their inputs.
Your parents will not be comfortable with your choice if they feel you do not know what you are talking about and are beating around in the dark. Ultimately, whichever field you choose, you will need to put in an enormous amount of effort to excel in it.
And, it is better to excel in your field of choice rather than to be mediocre in any other field.
You may want to try and understand the reasons why your parents want you to do engineering. Once you understand this, you may decide to either follow that path, or follow the path you want.
However, whichever field you choose, you will need to put in a lot of effort to stand out. So don’t let the effort tire you out.
Good luck.
Dear Madam
I am a 2nd PUC PCMB student. My problem is that I lost interest in studies when I was in my 10th Standard and got 3% less than the usual distinction I used to get. Since the past two years, I have totally lost my form and fear that the same would repeat in my finals this year. And I'm very weak in maths. Kindly suggest some methods by which I can start studying.
Dear Student
I have said this in my column several times before, because yours does not seem to be a problem unique to you. It seems to be happening to many students who let the fear of the results, or their “relatively poor” performance in past exams, demotivate them about the future. So understand why you think you should study, and analyse the benefits of studying.
Who do you think will be the biggest beneficiary of your studying? You can choose to let fear control you to inaction, or you can choose to let fear drive you to action. It is entirely in your control, and your choice.
So find your motivation. What is it you want to do in life? Think about whether you will be able to achieve that without studying. What options will be open to you if you do not study? Answer these questions truthfully, not for anyone else, but for yourself and see where they lead you.
All the best
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)