[The following column appeared in the Deccan Herald Education supplement on June 26, 2012]
Dear Madam,
I’m a Class 12 student who has opted for the Science stream (PCMB). Due to some personal problems, I have discontinued my studies this year and plan on continuing it next year. Everyone feels I am lucky to have received another shot at the Boards as well as the competitive exams, but somehow I don’t have that confidence in myself. In fact, I am fast losing my confidence. How can I regain it?
XYZ
Dear XYZ,
I am glad you are seeing this forced break as an opportunity that you have got, and not something to be sad about. That itself is a very positive sign. But you must be careful because this is a slippery slope. Right now when your peers are doing the exams they think you are lucky you don’t have to do them. Next year when they would have finished the exams and you will have to do them, you will feel they are lucky. The grass always appears to be greener on the other side, and you must be careful to reach your own
conclusion about it.
Don’t worry about the expectations of others. This is about your expectations from yourself. You need to do well because you want to, and because of what it will mean to you. Not because of what others expect of you. They are not going to be the beneficiaries of your hard work. You are going to be the beneficiary. So whatever you do, or do not do, you do for your own satisfaction and benefit. So believe in yourself. Whether you meet others expectations or not, is not important. You must exceed your own expectations because ultimately, that is what will give you the greatest satisfaction. All the best.
Dear Madam,
I am currently pursuing a graduate degree, a BCA course. I am in the first year. I will be giving my semester exams soon. When I sit down to study, my mind is not focused on the task that is in front of me. No matter how much I try, I can’t bring myself to focus on the subject. I had the same problem during the first semester but I did manage to score 60 per cent. But I’m not satisfied with these marks. I want to score better. Can you help me out by suggesting ways to improve my preparation process? Should I meet an educational counsellor?
Ahmed
Dear Ahmed,
Your exams will be over by the time this response gets published. However, I am still responding because you will probably face the same issue in the future as well. I am not sure what you mean by an educational counsellor? If you are talking about career counsellors, then this paper carries the column of a career counsellor as well so you can address your queries to that column.
However, I feel you need to spend sometime analysing what is going on in your mind. When it wonders where does it go? Is it with your friends, wondering what they are doing? Or is it dreaming about the future? Or maybe brooding about the past? Or is it just generally stressed and worried about something?
Remember your mind is entirely within your control. And, it is probably the only thing that is truly within your control. You just need to know how to tame it. For that you may need the help of an emotional counsellor. All the best.
Thursday 28 June 2012
Tuesday 19 June 2012
Study for yourself, not others - Ask our counsellor Q&A column
[The following column, written by me, appeared in the Deccan Herald Education supplement dt June 7, 2012]
Dear Madam,
I am currently in PUC I. I can’t concentrate on my studies for more than 40 minutes or so. I get distracted by hunger pangs, or I text my friends. Please help.
Student
Dear Student,
I would like you to spend a few minutes thinking about why you feel you need to concentrate on your studies, or better still, why you are studying. We get distracted and lose interest in something when we feel there is no gain; when we believe it is something we have to do, for the benefit of someone else; when we would rather do something else which would benefit us more. So do you feel that you need to study for someone else’s benefit — your parents’, maybe? Or, do you think there is something in it to gain for yourself? What will your options, and life, be like if you do not study now? Think about these answers for yourself, and be honest. Think about what your life would be like if you did not have the opportunity to study. Right now it is seeming a burden to you. Believe me, the picture is not rosy. Do a reality check and accept that you need to do this, not for your parents or anybody else, but for yourself. Because effort is your only path to success. And once you have thought about it and have the answers, keep a snack by your side, leave your phone in another room, and go for it with all your gusto. Because you need to do it for yourself.
Dear Madam,
I’m a PUC I student. Can you give me a few tips on how to focus while studying, especially before an exam?
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Lack of concentration near exams is a very common problem that seems to plague students and I have addressed this question in this column several times before. You could read the blog personalorbitchange.blogspot.com where the responses on the same topic are available. Hopefully, that will give you some direction in terms of technique. However, before you visit the site, I would like you to introspect on why you are studying and why you ‘need’ to concentrate. We feel bored and distracted when we are doing something that is of no interest to us, or we believe that it needs to be done as a favour for someone else, and we don’t gain anything from it. And, therefore, it is boring. We hide behind the belief that it is something we ‘need’ to do because of peer or parent expectations. Think of what your life would be if you didn’t do it, and acknowledge that there is a selfish reason to do it.
Dear Madam,
I am currently in PUC I. I can’t concentrate on my studies for more than 40 minutes or so. I get distracted by hunger pangs, or I text my friends. Please help.
Student
Dear Student,
I would like you to spend a few minutes thinking about why you feel you need to concentrate on your studies, or better still, why you are studying. We get distracted and lose interest in something when we feel there is no gain; when we believe it is something we have to do, for the benefit of someone else; when we would rather do something else which would benefit us more. So do you feel that you need to study for someone else’s benefit — your parents’, maybe? Or, do you think there is something in it to gain for yourself? What will your options, and life, be like if you do not study now? Think about these answers for yourself, and be honest. Think about what your life would be like if you did not have the opportunity to study. Right now it is seeming a burden to you. Believe me, the picture is not rosy. Do a reality check and accept that you need to do this, not for your parents or anybody else, but for yourself. Because effort is your only path to success. And once you have thought about it and have the answers, keep a snack by your side, leave your phone in another room, and go for it with all your gusto. Because you need to do it for yourself.
Dear Madam,
I’m a PUC I student. Can you give me a few tips on how to focus while studying, especially before an exam?
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Lack of concentration near exams is a very common problem that seems to plague students and I have addressed this question in this column several times before. You could read the blog personalorbitchange.blogspot.com where the responses on the same topic are available. Hopefully, that will give you some direction in terms of technique. However, before you visit the site, I would like you to introspect on why you are studying and why you ‘need’ to concentrate. We feel bored and distracted when we are doing something that is of no interest to us, or we believe that it needs to be done as a favour for someone else, and we don’t gain anything from it. And, therefore, it is boring. We hide behind the belief that it is something we ‘need’ to do because of peer or parent expectations. Think of what your life would be if you didn’t do it, and acknowledge that there is a selfish reason to do it.
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